As we step into the new year, you might be envisioning a year ahead that was better than the last… 

Yet based on history, you might also be bracing yourself for what feels like inevitable disappointment when your resolutions don’t work out. (Trust me, I’ve been there and I get it!)

But what if you’re not at fault here, and there are actual reasons that your resolutions goals or dreams fail? 

This can happen when we’re:

• Honoring “shoulds” 
• Trying to change our lives

#1 The Problem: Honoring “Shoulds”

All of us have been conditioned to follow a certain formula for life… this often reveals itself as what society, our parents, our peers and colleagues agree that everyone “should” do. And it’s so conditioned that these “shoulds” have become our own beliefs, too. 

But following someone else’s vision, values and purpose is never going to fulfill YOU. 

When I was single, living in Manhattan, pursuing a career in professional dance and then acting, periodically I’d check in on the phone with my mother. Those conversations ultimately made their way around to her saying, “You’d be such a good doctor! How long are you going to give yourself to make it?”  

Her worry for my future and financial security was one way she loved me, but it was her dream for me, not mine.

I believe You and I came here to forge our own path and live out the dreams in our hearts. Oftentimes, when we repress our own wants and instead, pursue what we “should” want, we’re faced with nothing but obstacles. 

And the more time invested on the hamster wheel of dissatisfaction, the harder and harder it is to correct our course.

#2 The Problem: Trying to Change Your Life

When our focus is on changing our life, what we’re doing is giving our attention to what’s not working (to the things that we want to be different). We’re circling around our discontent and it just feels kind of… heavy and stagnating. 

It feels that way because by trying to change what we don’t like, we inadvertently create resistance to allowing the change we do want.

For me, when that “ughh” feeling is dominating my head and heart space, it doesn’t feel very inspiring, and it’s definitely not going to get me out of bed in the morning, feeling motivated to slay my day!

Because, in real time, you and I don’t actually “change our lives.”  We create a new one. 

Changing what is, and creating something new might seem to be the same thing. So, what’s the difference? 

Hypothetically, let’s say you want to be healthier, so you set a resolution to lose 10 or 20 pounds. 

Being 10 or 20 pounds lighter might be a really good thing for you, and, if you’re saying to yourself, “Ok, i’m going to lose x number of pounds”, whether you want to or not, you’re thinking about the pounds/extra weight that must go.

Why is that not optimal? Two things are happening here:

One, you’re putting your attention on what you want less of. 

Where we put our attention, the subconscious “reads” as our intention. So, inadvertently we’re signaling our subconscious, “I have extra weight on my body”. 

The subconscious translates that thought as a command to give us more “extra weight”, and does what it can to sabotage our weight loss progress, keeping our body in a state of having “extra weight”.  

Perhaps you’ve heard the cliche, “What you resist persists.”?

Two, when you really, really, really, really want these “stubborn” pounds gone, your resolution becomes emotionally charged with “this has got to change” energy. 

Emotionalizing an outcome you don’t want is like driving a car with one foot pressed hard on the accelerator, and the other foot pressed hard on the brake. You’re burning energy but not actually moving toward what you want.

Together, that thought/emotion combination slows your progress. Even if you’re a seriously disciplined person, and you’re hell bent on making your resolution happen, willpower has a short half-life. 

When it comes to changing habits and fulfilling your resolutions, you want “flow power”, meaning you want to be working with, not against yourself.

“Any idea that is held in the mind, that is either feared or revered, will begin at once to clothe itself in the most convenient and appropriate physical forms available.”  

– Andrew Carnegie

So, how does one short circuit the frustration-to-stuckness-to-frustration cycle?

To create the “new” that we DO want, in lieu of trying to change what we don’t want, we start by shifting our focus: by putting our attention on what we want our resolution to accomplish for us. 

That in turn creates new results. That’s what we’re really after.

#3 The Solution: Shift Your Attention

The dreams in your heart are your built in GPS for achieving fulfillment in life. To tune into this guidance system, it takes shifting your attention and focus to what you truly desire, deep down. 

When your goals are aligned with your GPS, and you use your resolutions to move you in that direction, you’re in tune with your unique purpose – who you came here to be. 

Instead of playing the role assigned by someone else, you’re simply allowing your authentic self, and most fulfilling path to naturally reveal itself.

#4 The Solution: Ignite the Fire

Fall in love with the results you want your resolution to bring you. As you do this, you’ll begin to cultivate the passion, purpose and fulfillment necessary to ignite the fire within you. 

This is how you stay the course, stay motivated, and naturally compel your results to change.

Focus your attention on this everyday, and you’ll find yourself not only sticking to your goals, but actually superseding them because you’re on fire with the dream.

#5 The Solution: Quick & Easy (daily) Heartset and Mindset Checklist:

• Are your resolutions serving your dream or someone else’s?

• Is your attention focused on the details you don’t want? Or are you repeatedly giving your attention to the “landing spot”, visualizing the place, (and feeling), where fulfilling your resolution will take you?

• Are you cursing what needs to change? Or are you allowing yourself to heartily celebrate the accomplishment and the emotion of that accomplishment, before it actually occurs?

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” 

– Albert Einstein

Here’s to You vividly imagining your success!

With love,

Cynthia

P.S. Would you love to spend a half day with me diving deeper into this, where we can workshop your dreams and goals together? Reply “Yes!” to this email and I’ll make sure you get first dibs on tickets for my next event as soon as we’ve set the date!