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When Shame Rises Up

I want to share with you something I feel kind of embarrassed to admit… but my hope is that what I learned from it may help you, too.

Did you ever look at your life around you, what you’ve accomplished and what you haven’t, and feel like you just haven’t done enough? 

And you’re convinced that that’s the reason you haven’t reached your goal yet?

It’s a common lie most of us fall prey to. I believe hard work can be a good thing, especially if you’re having fun doing it. 

But, working harder and longer, just because your parents taught you that’s how you succeed in life, has limited effectiveness.

The other day I looked at my business and felt deflated and a little discouraged.  I thought, “It’s not as robust, impactful and profitable as I’d thought it would be by now.”

And to be honest, I got into the comparison game, holding up my success, (or lack thereof), to that of a few of my esteemed colleagues, whose businesses are cranking, growing, and highly profitable, or so it seems.

In a subtle, deep down way, I felt shame for not being farther along on my road to reaching my goal.

My knee-jerk thought was, “Well, I’ve got to work harder. I’ve got to do more, become more and better than I currently am, and once I become a new and improved ‘me’, then I’ll be able to create the success that I want.”

The idea of “efforting” to outrun the feeling of shame by doubling down on my focus and working harder and longer, just doesn’t work for me anymore. 

In fact, it becomes demotivating very quickly.

There’s a saying, “the obstacle IS the path.” When it doesn’t look like progress is being made quickly enough, that doesn’t have to be an invitation to move into “grind” mode.

So I asked myself, “What if I stopped trying to escape the shame that seems to drive me, and just told myself the truth?”

The truth being… I’m not here, (alive on Earth), to control all the events of my life. 

I’m here to enjoy my life and to do what’s mine to do today, minus the subterfuge and negative motivation of self doubt and shame.

Chopping wood and carrying water. That’s enough.

I love this phrase, because It allows me to relax and be in the moment of doing my work, without dabbling in comparison or self-doubt.

So, when you run into shame- and perhaps a knee-jerk reaction to push and grind more to escape that feeling- I invite you to slow down, ask yourself what really matters, and proceed from a place of truth. 

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