As a wild, unkempt, adventurous, feisty little girl who secretly wants to feel pretty and do girly things, I stand obediently next to my mother at some fancy department store, entranced with the variety while filtering through a rack of pretty and expensive dresses, making sure I touch every single one. 

Easter is coming and I’m supposed to wear a pretty dress to my grandmother’s lunch party. I find the one I want, and believe me I really want it. It’s perfectly patterned with delicate flowers and I love the feel and color. 

The clincher is, it has a blue satin bow that ties around the waist. I grab the hem of the dress and loudly declare, “I want THIS one!”

As it turns out, my mother has noted the price of each of the dresses on the rack, and before I can finish exclaiming my preference, my mother, with a twisted looking red-cheeked face shouts, (in a whisper), “No, you can’t have that one, what about this one?!”. 

My mother’s response had a smack in the face kind of feeling to it.

This memory popped into my awareness the other day and was seemingly unrelated to the tasks I was engaged in. 

Have you ever had an uncomfortable memory pop into your head while doing something unrelated?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about making improvements on our house and doing things that are in my vision for adding beauty and warmth to my home and adventure to my life. 

I was noticing that the moment I thought about hiring a builder and designer to help me with updating the bathrooms and kitchen in our house; the moment I thought about paying for the roof to be fixed; the moment when I thought about planning a river cruise for my husband and I and taking a family trip to Ireland…

…Every time, I noticed a physical constriction in my chest, a tightening feeling.  

As I continued paying attention, I realized that an inner voice was saying things like:

“You can’t do that.” 

“You have to be careful, you might run out of money.” 

“You can’t spend money on that, you need to make do with what you have because money is scarce.” 

“That’s not an important enough thing to pay for, it’s going to be too expensive.” 

“You don’t deserve it.”

I almost couldn’t believe my ears!  That’s when this memory dropped in and I realized that these weren’t my thoughts. I had internalized my mother’s voice of “No, you can’t have that!”

I’d also internalized the shame of believing I wasn’t worthy of having the beautiful things I wanted. And this was the meaning I’d added to the situation! My mother never actually said these words. 

I share this story because it illuminated in me a limiting belief I’d been living by that had been causing me to feel like I couldn’t have what I wanted, that I wasn’t worthy or capable of having the things that I want to experience. 

It was blocking me from seeing myself as the person who could achieve the things I wanted to achieve and blocking me from becoming the person who does feel deserving, worthy, successful and capable.

You can see how this “under the radar” story could cause inner emotional friction, lack of belief and become a roadblock to expanding success, right? 

We’ve all got stories we tell ourselves. Some are uplifting and self-affirming and some are downright disempowering and cause us to “hit the glass ceiling” when going after a goal or dream.

Awareness is so important because, when you can see these stories, not as truth but as meaning assigned to a set of facts, they lose their potency. The neuronal glue that literally holds these neurally bound thought patterns together dis-integrates and makes itself available to form new neural connections.

So if you’re feeling blocked while endeavoring to create a new, never before lived reality, the kind of reality that stretches you; the kind of reality that when you imagine it, you feel so good, so right, so in tune with the potential you know you posess, …

…Stay open and curious: 

• Are there any triggering memories shame-bombing you?  

• Are there any thoughts that lie “below the radar” telling you why you can’t do, can’t become, can’t have or give?

• Most importantly, what might be a more empowering meaning you could tell yourself about the facts that did occur?

“The words you speak silently are creative commands. Inner  dialogue reveals belief more clearly than prayer. If you want to change circumstances, alter the conversation you are having with yourself about them. Stop telling old stories of failure; begin new stories of triumph. Speak to yourself as one who has already succeeded.” 

– Neville Goddard

As I look back on the times in my life when I felt stuck, what I see now is not a lack of effort, but a lack of compassion and forgiveness toward myself in moments of discomfort.

What’s one achievement you’ve experienced in your lifetime so far? How did you feel? 

• If you’re willing, use this memory to write a story of triumph: about who you are, what you’re capable of and the great qualities you’ve demonstrated. 

• Anytime you feel blocked by doubt, fear or self depreciation read yourself this triumph story.

Every conversation we have with ourselves, (conscious or  unconscious), is an act of faith or a demonstration of doubt. We get to make up any meaning we want about the facts and conditions we witness and take part in.