After we begin to name what we would love, after we make a decision, after we get really honest with ourselves about what we truly do want more of in our life, there is often a moment where things seem to stall.
Obstacles come up, and it’s easy to assume that we’ve somehow failed to follow through, or don’t have what it takes.
But that’s not actually what’s happening. What stops us is usually much more subtle.
It’s the moment we resist what’s in the way of us achieving our dream. It’s the moment we chastise ourselves for feeling stuck that we stop offering ourselves love and understanding. Or the moment we decide that we shouldn’t be feeling afraid or weak and believe we must be doing something wrong.
Most of us were never taught how to stay present with ourselves when things feel uncertain, tender, or unresolved.
So instead, we brace. We judge. We shove the discomfort deep down inside us. We try to push past the experience rather than allowing it to inform us and move through us.
And in that kerfuffle, flow shuts down and we’re tempted to quit on ourselves, again.
What I’ve discovered in my own life, and in working with others, is that growth doesn’t stop because we lack the capability or tools.
Growth stops when we withdraw love from ourselves right at the moment we need it most.
Self-compassion plays a powerful role here. Not as an abstract feeling or concept, but as a real practice of calming and diffusing self-judgment.
Allowing ourselves compassion for reacting. For needing time. For being human.
When compassion enters, we release the tension we were holding. Self-judgement morphs into a spacious feeling of acceptance. Presence is restored, and flow happens naturally.
Flow isn’t something we force our way into. It resumes when we no longer beat ourselves up for being human and open to compassion instead.
We often tell ourselves that if we had more discipline, willpower or clarity we would be further along than we are now. But that’s never really at the core of what is holding us back.
What stops us is forgetting that love, applied inward, is what keeps us moving.
And even when we’re doing everything “right”, let’s remind ourselves that the path to manifesting a goal or dream is almost never a straight, unencumbered line, and rarely without speed bumps.
My mother used to say, “Everyone carries their own monkey on their back.” In other words, we all have our own “stuff”, our own humanness that expresses itself uniquely, and our own challenges to experience along the way.
My mentor says, “It’s who you become in the process that’s the real gift.”
The achievements we have in life are great, but who we have to become to get there is priceless. And we deserve compassion along the way.
My invitation is that you consider compassion as your go-to response when you feel challenged or stretched beyond comfort. It gets the monkey off your back and makes it your friend.
Compassion really does grease the wheels of flow.
