Where do you look when you need to feel secure?

If you’re honest with yourself, really honest, the answer is probably to something outside of you. 

A person. A relationship. A certain amount of money. A level of success. The approval of someone whose opinion matters more than you’d like to admit.

I know, because I did this too, for years, without even being fully aware of it.

My unconscious belief, the one running beneath everything I knew intellectually, was that my security had to come from my husband. That the love I really wanted had to come from him. From my parents. From my children. From my clients. From money. 

It takes a lot of effort to maintain that kind of belief. 

It’s exhausting, actually, to hold up what I can only call a scaffolding of misunderstanding that isn’t true about me and about how things work. I just hadn’t let myself see it, yet.

And then I walked a labyrinth in Costa Rica, expecting nothing, and something cracked open.

It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t a lightning bolt moment. It was more like a quiet awareness that peeked around a corner and tapped me on my shoulder — a loving opportunity to be honest with myself in a way I hadn’t quite allowed before. 

And in walking that path, it occurred to me that the people and things I’d been looking to for love and security were never actually the source of it. 

They couldn’t be.

So I made a decision, right there on that path. I’m leaving behind a set of expectations I’d had for what my relationships were meant to give me. I’m no longer showing up that way. 

And from that decision came a recognition I hadn’t expected.

My husband is not my source of security, love or well being. My mother and father are not my source. My children aren’t my source. Money isn’t my source, either.

I am sourced. It’s my connection with consciousness in me that leads to my needs being met, to my vibrant well being, and to my sense of “okayness”. 

I’m attempting to describe an experience of knowing, a feeling of inner security, of being naturally and deeply cared for, without strain or effort. A foundational freedom.

With this understanding, there’s a really interesting shift that happens in the dynamics of our relationships:

When we place our security and our love in the hands of people and circumstances, we’re not doing anything wrong. We’re doing what we’ve been taught is normal. 

But we’re also asking those people and circumstances to hold something they were never designed to hold.

And the weight of that expectation creates a specific kind of strain — a running background fear that if this relationship changes, or this amount of money shifts, or this person withdraws, everything we need will disappear with it.

When you recognize yourself as already sourced, the relationships you’re in don’t diminish. If anything, they deepen, because you’re no longer expecting them to give you what they can’t.

Having all those wonderful things like money, a happy marriage, healthy children, ideal clients, loving parents, is good! It’s when we stop relying on those things for our sense of, “I am safe, I am okay, I am happy”, that we can really enjoy them.

What’s sacrificed is the fear of loss.

The love and security we genuinely need is something we can access, right now, through our own connection with the life energy that’s breathing us.

My hope is that you discover how completely loved and cared for you are.